The Funny Papers

My aunt recently sent me the funny papers. They were funny. Merci beaucoup! Here is some funny stuff about the Vice Presidential Shooting, sent to me by Caroline of Damascus.

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David Letterman: "Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?"
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Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishapanalyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird,why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

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Katharine Armstrong: "We were shooting a covey of quail. The vice presidentand two others got out of the car to walk up the covey."

Jon Stewart: "What kind of hunting story begins with getting out of your car?"